Where are you living?

Where are you living: past, present, or future?

If you are living in the past, you are holding onto choices or experiences that have passed. You are allowing yourself to be controlled by situations that may not have been healthy, that caused you sorrow, or that constantly remind you of something, good or bad. Holding onto something that once was great, but is now miserable, is still living in the past. You can only squeeze so much juice out of an lemon. It’s not always unhealthy to live in the past, but you do have to recognize that life goes on. You cannot change the past, so you must work toward resolving the issues that hold you back. What’s done is done. Forgiveness is not always easy or necessary, but it can lift negativity by association. Find your place in the world, and continue your existence. Time will march on, and you have no control over it.

Living in the present is taking life day by day. You are aware that your past has shaped you, taught you lessons, and got you to the point at which you are currently. Celebrate victories and ride the wave through the good and the bad. Your past has prepared you for the journey and all the things that life can throw at you. Extremes exist, so try to always have a safeguard to be able to keep your life flowing, even when terrible things happen. **Terrible things will happen. Always embrace opportunities, and lean in when it feels right. Don’t forget to assess risk, and keep in mind that sometimes, things may lead to unhealthy circumstances. When living in the present, you have most of the control over which decisions are made. You get to call the shots, and ultimately, you hold most of the responsibility for choices that you make. Be reasonable.

Future living can be tricky. Always focusing on what is to come, or how you want things to eventually look can make you lose sight of what you currently have. You may also miss out on present opportunities to build memories, be part of extraordinary experiences, or just simply miss out. Many times the future outlook can seem to discount how you’re currently living your life. You may have a wonderful life, but constantly obsessing about bigger and better things can make you lose focus. I often think about this when I hear parents say to their children, “when did you grow up?” While you may be focusing on your future, you forget to pay attention to your present, or you simply don’t have time.

So, make time. The balance of past, present, and future keeps us on the right trajectory to a satisfying life. You don’t want to ever look back on your life and think, “I missed out.” You want to be able to remember amazing moments, cry over experiences that brought you joy, and love your life. If you feel caught up and out of balance, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate things. Take into consideration how you actually feel about your life. You may realize that you need to make some changes, and that’s okay. Understand that life comes with obligations and responsibilities that are outside of your control, however, be mindful of the things you can control. Take a moment to make a detailed list of your life. Assess everything you know about your life, past, present, and future, and see if you need to make changes. Sometimes just writing things down can create a whole new perspective. It’s never too late to put yourself back on track.

Thanks girl.

Transitional Periods

June 17, 2020.

Welcome back to life. It’s been a year since I made the conscious decision to embark on a new path of self discovery, and basically open myself up to the most intense transitional period of my life. I had a few misconceptions of what this experience would be like.

As I walk this new path, I am constantly reminded of how much I struggle with change/transition. I’ve thought hundreds of hours about why my brain has such difficulty accepting and molding to change, and all I can come up with is that I just don’t handle it very well. I’ve mentioned my anxiety before, and how change almost always throws me into anxiety overdrive. I have great mechanisms now to handle the anxious moments, but I often wonder if others experience this unwanted, unnecessary anxious behavior.

Life has thrown a few curve balls at me recently, and I’ve tried my best to maintain my composure and find the goodness in everything that’s going on. It’s hard. I’ve learned a few valuable lessons about transitioning through life.

Sometimes, it just sucks. Quitting my job after 11 years sucked. I lost daily connections with many people that had become more like family members than colleagues. I enjoyed seeing those people on a daily basis. I still care about them. I am able to still keep up with them, but I do miss the conversations in the hallway or meeting up in the employee dining room to watch lunchtime cooking shows and chatting about random topics. Those were my people, and it sucks that in order to move forward with my life, I had to lose those meaningful connections. I didn’t realize it would be like the worse breakup, almost like a sad divorce. It created something that can only be described as a void. In my life, when there’s a void, I try to fill it. So, what did I do? I tried to figure out a way to patch that hole and move forward. This process lead to a transition.

I found a new job to fill the void. From October 2019 to March 2020, I worked a happy retail management job. Although retail is a beast of burden, it had some very memorable moments. The transition into the new job was tough. I had worked in retail before the credit union gig, but things had changed. I had to learn new ways of selling and managing a team that consisted of mostly teenagers and young 20’s. There were many moments where I couldn’t actually relate to the situations that were happening. I had to fake it in order to just get through it. My manager stayed happy with my performance, so I guess I was effective. I eventually found my groove, and things weren’t bad. I just knew there would be a new transition coming, and I tried to brace for it.

March 2020 invited two situations into my life. A new job and a pandemic. I accepted a job with a different company and prepared myself for the next transition. I worked out a notice with the old company and tried to prepare myself for the changes coming with a drastically different genre of retail management. I’m a firm believer that God and the universe watch over us, and keep us from being in toxic situations. The new company was not right for me, so I resigned from the job, and the next day, a worldwide shutdown occurred.

I tried not to think too far into it, but it was hard not to look at the signs and see that obviously I needed to take this time to reflect and figure out my next move, while sitting at home, waiting for the world to reopen. I partially felt that I wasn’t making very good decisions, and partially felt that the universe was pushing me to step out of my comfort zone.

Quarantine was a great time for me. I adore time alone, so being at home, surrounded by my things, working in my garden in solitude, and spending really great quality time with my family was truly a blessing. Many people went sort of nuts and I watched them all complain and act out on social media, but this was a time of healing for me. I was able to patch up some old wounds and regenerate feelings and emotions that helped me reach a higher level of my truer self. I reflected a lot on the past, and dealt with a few situations that were harboring negative energy.

I believe in the law of attraction and the power of energy transfer. I am very diligent with offering up positive energy as often as I can and not letting too much negativity penetrate my force field. That being said, a few negative sources of energy have gotten close to me recently. I have had to recognize the source, give an evaluation, and make a decision on how to handle the energy. I don’t allow negative energy to stick around for too long. I guess this is a new lesson for me. As I grow, I cut things out much quicker, instead of letting it linger. I’ve come to discover that time is very limited, and wasting time on something that doesn’t bring a sense of joy or happiness should be left behind. I’ve learned to become selfish with my time. At one point it my life, I was stretched so thinly that I didn’t have a true identity or felt like I had lost myself trying to please others. I can’t let that happen again. My life is about me, not pleasing everyone else. :)

How to Get a House Sold

Sunday, February 16, 2020.

Today, I had the honor of practicing an amazing spiritual ritual to exercise the demons that were keeping my friend’s house from selling.

We started with clear Quartz crystals to invite positive energy into the home. Everyone knows that clear Quartz is the mack daddy of all crystals. It’s generally good at everything, but coupled with other crystals, it increases their power and provides positive energy. We placed a bowl of clear Quartz pieces in the kitchen, setting aside one specific crystal to be used later for a special ritual. We placed a black tourmaline above the front door to ward off negative energy and to purify and cleanse the home.

Next, we popped open the sage, and readied ourselves for a good smudging. Traditionally, when smudging with sage, you should hit all the corners of the home, every room, and for sure spaces where the negative energy may be concentrated. We smudged every toilet, crawl space, secret closet, and the oven and microwave! As we smudged, we simply chanted a simple incantation to remove negative energy and invite new, positive energies into the home, and hopefully a BUYER!

Once the smudging was complete, we grabbed the clear Quartz that we set aside earlier, and took it to the yard. I was told about a special ritual that would take all the evil energy out of the home and store it in that particular crystal. We went to the furtherest corner of the yard and dug a hole. The crystal should hold the evil energy, and as long as no one digs it up, the energy will stay trapped forever, allowing for new positive energy.

The whole point was to cleanse the home and make it more inviting to potential buyers. Negative energies can stick around long after the person is gone. It’s okay to address the evil, negative energies, and force them out. Fingers crossed that it works!

New Year, New Me?

Hiiiiiiiyo!

We’re already almost a month into 2020, and I must admit, the vibe is super unsure. I feel like nothing is right, but nothing is wrong, all at the same time. There’s a strange sense of urgency to get things done, but for what reason? There’s no rush on life right now. I’m doing lots of things and accomplishing a lot, but it still feels like it isn’t enough. It leads me to investigate what set of ideals was I using as the standard?

I have random conversations with other people close to my age, and we all seem to have the same sense of reality: what the hell are we supposed to be doing right now?! The consensus seems to be “do whatever you can, then do more tomorrow.” Does that even make sense though? At what point do we become hamsters on the wheel of life and lose track of finding a meaningful existence?

More and more people are describing a disconnection between mind and body, which leaves us in an existential state of awareness. It’s as though the mind now controls the body, movement, momentum, and energy output. The body is literally just a vessel that propels the mind’s work into existence.

My realest question is: does everyone experience this, or is this only shared by a select group of enlightened, open minded individuals?

The "Retail Flirt"

Most people, in one form or fashion, should have held a job in some sector of the retail industry. If you haven’t worked in a retail sales setting, then consider yourself a golden gift from God, because there is basically an entire animalistic subculture of people that partake in the rituals of the retail production.

There are two main actors in the daily/seasonal retail production: there’s the seller and the buyer.

The Seller

The seller has much more responsibility in the production because he or she has to be physically, mentally, and emotionally prepared to make the deal happen. There’s a technique used throughout the retail universe, and I want to coin the term, “retail flirting.” Everyone uses it, and if you never thought about it, here’s your epiphany or paradigm shift! Retail flirting seems very similar to and even mimics the way customer service training helps to build rapport with the customer, but it goes a little further. The seller feels the need to connect on a deeper level, really get into the emotion of the situation and try as hard as he or she can to actually fill the void. The void is the hole in the customer’s soul that needs repairing, but it will be only a temporary fix, due to the lack of permanency of reality. Have you ever uttered the words, “I’m just a naturally flirtatious person”? There you go.

The Buyer

The buyer will, too, have responsibility, but in most cases, he or she will keep those a secret. Buyers always hold back so much of their reality, and often use that sad statement when asked “how are you doing?” “I’m fine.” Fine doesn’t describe a feeling and it doesn’t provide an adequate assessment of how someone is doing. Fine is actually defined as “of high quality, or in a satisfactory or pleasing manner.” So, after having to decipher that Rosetta Stone cryptic answer, we are compelled to find out more, not by our own interest, but because that’s what buyers expect. Customers want two things when they enter a store: to be assisted and to be left alone. It’s the most interesting contradiction because if he or she wasn’t greeted and offered assistance, there would be a complaint. If he or she was offered too much assistance, there would be a complaint. This sets an expectation of “just right” assistance. The ability to offer help, but at a price. The seller has to constantly be available, no matter what, to offer assistance, even if the buyer has asked to be left alone, the “I’m just looking.” I’m just looking means, I’m not interested in talking to you. I’m going to look around until I require your assistance to either get something down that’s too high for me to reach, get a fitting room, or to check me out. Everyone does it. I do it. It’s my role in the shopping process.

The Shopping Process

Now, let’s put it all together! We both wake up in the morning and begin our day. The seller probably wakes up with just enough time to get dressed and rush to work before all the buyers expect the stores to be open. There may be a light breakfast, maybe a coffee, but he or she would have had to set an earlier alarm for that. They rush to their store, prep for the day, take a morning poop, and open the doors. The buyer will be a little different. We have options for the buyer. He or she may be running an errand while they are on the clock at work, but it’s probably a “well deserved break” from the stress of their type of occupation which, at least in their minds, is much more distinguished than retail. There could be a buyer that works the night shift, so he or she is just enjoying being off and didn’t feel tired enough to go sleep the day away. He or she could even be just off for the day, truly living their best lives and exploring the retail environment. Buyers are always in the transaction because they want to be. They are there on their own accord, and this is basically on their terms. Buyers probably have a lot on their minds, as do the sellers. Both parties worry about their kids, relationships, love, hate, parents, grandparents, bills, crap, dinner, lunch, tomorrow, yesterday, and some crazy ideas that shouldn’t ever be shared with ANYONE on earth or in heaven! As a coping mechanism, we both try to play our roles as amazingly as we can, which ultimately leads to the “retail flirt.”

Some buyers are better at it that others, and I like to refer to those as the “professional shoppers.” A professional shopper knows exactly how to handle the conversation, how to stroke the ego of the seller, and get exactly what they want, or he or she is out. They can be a tough one for unseasoned sellers, but for the old retail pro, it’s basically a welcomed challenge. Sellers get to work their magic on the professional shoppers, and they can truly show their colorful toolkit of retail superpowers! There is a great deal of satisfaction and exhaustion that comes from an experience with a professional shopper.

Then, there are the shoppers that are completely indecisive, and don’t really even know if they are looking for anything, but he or she chose to give it a try that day. I guess they look at it as a gamble. They may find something, but then they may not. They may want to find something, but then they may not. They may try on a few things, but then they may just second think it. They may even make a purchase, but return it later because they thought about it, and they just probably shouldn’t have. dot dot dot

Next, crisis shoppers. Have you ever waited until the last minute, only to realize that you needed something to wear to a thing that’s tonight, and you are frantically hoping you can just run out and find something in your exact size, that will make you look and feel absolutely beautiful? Sometimes, not every time, that doesn’t actually work out. This makes the seller seems incredibly disappointing to the buyer, and unfortunately, the buyer will probably speak down on the seller’s company. That’s the way society works. A lot of emotions swarm around this type of shopper, and everyone involved feels the pressure and agony. The moral of this shopper is, make notes, set reminders, and don’t let yourself down by waiting until the last minute. You have much more potential to look beautiful with a little added energy and time.

Finally, (and of course there are tons of extra shopper types out there, but I’m only hitting the main ones), there is the shopper that shouldn’t be shopping, but he or she is so charming and endearing that the seller actually enjoys assisting. This is the person that is typically in no rush, has time to spare, and is a delightful source of positive energy. He or she leaves the seller with a lasting impression, and the seller feels the rapport, feels the connection, the bond, and looks forward to the next time the two can meet again. This is the ideal type of transaction. The buyer and seller both leave with a feeling of satisfaction, almost proud of the great experience he or she has had. If a seller can offer this buyer that “just right” service and assistance, he or she will be a die hard, lifelong, care about the company and YOU shopper. These are the people that make retail workers stay in the business. This is where the retail flirt works best.

Retail flirting is when a seller can look into the eye of the buyer, ensure a trust bond, warm the buyers heart, and make them feel at ease. The conversation can flow as though the two were having coffee at a bistro enjoying birds chirping and the bell ring of a passing bicyclist. They genuinely want to get to know something or somethings about one another. They are so at ease that they consider letting their guards down. It’s like they want to be part of the retail production. They both have starring roles in the production, and they realize that they both deserve respect and admiration. They converse about the weather, weekend plans, favorite music (because there is probably a throwback 80’s or 90’s hip-hop song on the overhead speaker, or just talk about how cool the 90’s were. They think of words like “kindred spirits,” “soul sisters/brothers,” or “what a cool person,” and they store the interaction in their memory to think back on it later. The retail flirt made a difference in their day, and it deserves the recognition. It helped the buyer and seller get the most satisfaction out of the experience. And that’s what it’s all about.

Popcorn balls and Nutria Rats

Recently, I posted a blog entry about a very special departed grandmother, and it got me thinking about other memories that deserve to be shared.

I was so lucky to grow up with my grandparents and to hear the experiences of their lifetime. My father’s parents were like no other!!! Milford and Alma Theriot deserve their story told.

My dad’s parents were unconventional, to say the least.

Milford came from a long lineage of Theriot people that long originated in Nova Scotia, Canada. There’s a story, with quite a bit of accuracy, where the Theriot patriarch’s village in Nova Scotia was burned to the ground. The entire village of French survivalists were forced to flee for their lives, and luckily, that Theriot ancestor ran his happy ass all the way down to Cameron, Louisiana, to begin a new and exciting civilization. He had a few sons, who had their own sons, which ultimately lead to Milford. His parents spoke primarily Cajun French with limited English, and they passed it down to Milford and my dad.

Alma came from Hackberry, so there, I’m willing to own up to the fact that some of my blood comes from the west side of the ship channel. She came from humble roots of a close knit group of Cajun Irish people. She spoke some of that Cajun French and learned more once she joined the Theriot family.

There are some pieces of the past that should remain in the past, but here’s where we’ll begin the story. Their house was situated basically directly in the marsh of East Creole. These people knew how to live off the land. So, they had two kids, my dad and his sister, and they were an active family business.

Alligators. There’s still a thriving alligator hunting business down in Cameron Parish to keep the population under control, but in the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s, the alligator population was basically out of control. There’s a special season set up in Louisiana where alligator hunting is legal to keep the angry monsters under control. During that time, skilled alligator hunters are given a set number of tags and they go out into the marsh collect gators. In their hay day, the Theriot family would get some of the largest alligators, bring them home, skin them up and sell the hides to market for designer handbags, shoes, belts, and other accessories. It may sound like a PETA violation, but I’m telling a story and it was a different time in history! The business slowed eventually, so they had to stop, but it was a great quick money maker during the season.

Nutria Rats. This is going to seem a bit bizarre, but when life hands you nutrias, you make a fur coat. During the 50s, 60s, and 70s, nutria, aka coypu, were terrorizing south Louisiana marshes. A little background, nutria rats were brought up here from South America because their fur was perfect for fabulous fur coats. Nutria rats reproduce at an extremely rapid rate, so there were farms created in south Louisiana to raise them. The farmers eventually released their stock, which fled into the marshes. Nutrias damage the terrain of marshes and cause major drainage issues. Nutria hunting became a giant way to counteract the marsh issues. The Theriots revolutionized the way nutrias were trapped and how their furs were collected. These people had an amazing methodology of getting the nutria furs from the marsh, to the skinning shed, and into the hands of market reps to make top dollar. I’ve heard stories of the top notch skill level of the Theriot furs. Milford’s father, Alfred, could stitch a damaged fur and sell it to the buyers without them ever seeing a single seam. These people KNEW what they were doing! Again, no PETA violations here, it was a different time! The money was amazing for this business, bringing in enough in one season to buy a car, cash! The business eventually died out, and now nutria are tolerated in the marshes, but I heard there some sort of bounty if you turn in tails.

The Church. Milford and Alma were always heavily involved in the Sacred Heart of Jesus catholic church parish in Creole, Louisiana. Milford was an altar server during mass, and Alma was a personal assistant to several priests of the parish over the decades. Milford also would go around to the ill and home bound parishioners of the parish and offer them the church service. He was so devoted to his faith that he would travel to prisons to bring faith back to prisoners that were incarcerated. Until their death, both Milford and Alma constantly worked to increase their relationship with the church.

Milford did this really cool thing where he would collect the lotus bloom pods from the local marshes. The pods contain hard seeds. He would bring the seeds to the prisons and the prisoners would create large rosaries with the seeds as the beads!

I have vivid memories of going to their house before catechism, and MawMaw Alma would prepare a little meal for us. It was a weekly experience where we got to connect with her on a beautiful level. She knew how to coooooooook!

Popcorn Balls. Y’all! Someone reading this better be able to remember this part of the story. You know how people hand out candy for Halloween to trick or treaters? Some people even hand out satsumas or pecans in Cameron, but there was always a very special situation at Alma and Milford’s house. Alma would make popcorn balls, hundreds of popcorn balls, to hand out. The kids liked them, but the ADULTS would line up all the way down East Creole Highway to pull in and walk up to collect their popcorn balls! These weren’t just any old popcorn balls. She would use Steen’s Syrup, and they were addictive! If you were lucky, and called ahead, she would set enough aside for you and your family. They always ran out. It was tradition!

Alma loved all holidays, especially Christmas. She would go to the dollar store and pile up tons of small, cheap gifts for us to open because she just loved watching the opening.

There were so many memories. I’ll always remember how their house was in Creole. Milford had a giant catholic altar in the living room, with candles and religious statues. He even had a kneeler. It was legit. Since he had a pacemaker, the microwave had to be in the back bedroom, just in case. They had a humble home, but it was always so comfy and inviting. Unfortunately, Hurricane Rita floated their house across the marsh, so their life shifted a bit. They never met a stranger, and if they did, it didn’t stay that way for long.

They both passed way too soon, but their lives were very influential on me and the rest of our family. We had some great times, great food, and they definitely still live in our memories! Comment your favorite memories!

Mary Sue Quinn

Not everyone gets the opportunity to have 5 direct grandparents as a child, but I did. I won’t go into the details of how it happened, but I ended up with a step grandmother, for which I am eternally grateful.

Side note: I only have one grandmother remaining out of the 5, and she knows how much I lover her. The rest of them are dead, so they can’t get offended by my favoritism.

MawMaw Sue and I dancing. Those aviator frames, though.

Mary Sue Quinn, or MawMaw Sue as we called her, was in my life from the beginning of my memories. When I first met her, she lived on the golf course near the Lake Charles Country Club. Looking back, I now realize why she was so impactful on the person I have become.

Here’s the MawMaw Sue that I knew and cherish:

Her mother, Maw Lee, was a well educated lady, and from what I can remember, she taught English, strictly enforcing grammatical excellence. Sue carried these traits down through her children and her grandchildren. She hailed from humble roots, but you would never know it. In life, we are able to choose the role we play, and Sue chose class and sophistication.

On the outside, she had style, grace, and a waistline that most women would envy. Her sense of style transcended the decades, but she definitely rocked a 90s high wasted jean! She was so versatile with her style. Sue could be dressed up to the 9’s, but then throw on her country digs and come play in the creek with us. I’ll always remember her satin robe in the mornings with those gold lame house slippers. (She gifted me a pair of the slippers one year for Christmas, but my mother tossed them out, citing that was too feminine for me at that young age. Little did she know…)

Her hair was never colored, she decided to age gracefully through the gray. We would spend at least a week during the summer at their house in Ragley and play on the farm. At night, as they caught up on Day of Our Lives, that was recorded on a VHS tape, I would play in her hair. She’d let me style her up like a 90s glam queen! The biggest mistake she ever made was introducing me to a teasing brush! She had those side hair comb clips, and I would always accidentally scratch her scalp trying to get them as tight as humanly possible. PawPaw Boots would be sitting over in his chair, never questioning a single part of it. He’d just let us do our thing. I guess he thought I knew what I was doing.

Sue always had something for us to do when we went for our week visits. Every trip had a craft project. I remember the year she taught me how to sew properly by hand. (Sewing on a machine was introduced to me by MawMaw Judy, so don’t get it twisted.) Mind you, I was probably 7, but she taught me how to thread the needle and how to make a knot at the end. I made a round pillow out of smiley face fabric. I was so proud of that first masterpiece. Other craft projects consisted of creating a vision board on a poster with magazine clippings, and there was one time where we painted. I think she and I shared a mild OCD/perfectionist view on things, so her influence on my projects is still relevant to this day. (What Would MawMaw Sue Do?)

She definitely paid a lot of attention to detail. She chose white carpet in her house in Ragley. The white carpet ran from the living room, dining room, up the stairs, and into all upstairs bedrooms. This was no ordinary white carpet. This was a SPOTLESS white carpet, and it was to remain that way. She would play a really interesting game with us, as children. There was always a cleaning day. She made it so fun that we didn’t even realize that we were basically the help. We would pull out the dust rags and that giant vacuum with 45 different attachments, and go to town on the house cleaning. Good times.

Sue had a heart of gold and a smile to match. I don’t doubt for a minute that she knew I was different, even at an early age. I always felt so accepted by her. MawMaw Sue groomed us to be our most authentic selves. I had other people in my life that were supportive, don’t get me wrong, but Sue showed me that I didn’t need to impress anyone. All I needed to do was be confident in who I was, hold my head up high, and commit. There’s a quality that I’ve discussed with a few others in my life about committing to being me. When the door opens and I walk in, it’s SHOWTIME. Every experience is a gift and an opportunity to have the best time possible. She was the epitome of that logic. Every time she walked into a room, you felt her energy. She was smiling, she was confident, she carried herself in such a way that your attention couldn’t help but gravitate to her. She was a magical creature that exuded class and sophistication. I come from modest means. My family is from the marshes of Southwest Louisiana, and basically I was raised on a farm. I grew up observing and trying to see where I fit in, and when I saw MawMaw Sue, it felt right.

I paid attention to her. I saw her. I wanted to be her. I wanted to live in her shoes, [and could have if my mother hadn’t snatched them away!] Everyone knew it, whether they are willing to acknowledge it or not. She was so lovely, and loved us as if we were her own flesh and blood. I know she definitely didn’t play favoritism with her grandchildren, but she and I understood one another on a higher level. I grasped every concept she threw my way, and I tried to never let her down. She kept me feeling classy with Christmas gifts, one year gifting me a paisley house coat robe. Definitely living my Hugh Hefner fantasy.

As I grew into a young adult, the distance grew between us, and then she got cancer. That took her out of our lives for large periods of time because the chemo and radiation would wreak havoc on her immune system. She couldn’t risk catching something. At that time in my life, I was going through so many changes of becoming an adult and working on my future and trying to stay focused. There just wasn’t enough time.

Here’s a story to lighten the mood: One time, Boots and Sue took a trip, and my aunt and I offered to house sit and feed the dogs while they were out of town. I guess I was around 18-19 because I was into being a drag queen, and I had packed some fun stuff to play with while we were there. Basically, I knew she had a wig from when she lost her hair going through chemo and radiation, so I made it my mission to find it. I dug everywhere, and finally found it in the spare bedroom closet. My aunt and I played around, took some pictures of me all dressed up, then I took off all those drag clothes and put on some boy clothes to go feed the dogs. I haphazardly threw all the clothes around the living room and kitchen because we were anticipating coming right back in for the night. Please allow me to paint this picture: I had 7 1/2 stripper platform shoes, a faux snake skin skirt, fishnets, some skanky top, and her cancer wig all strewn about like someone was going to be getting freaky up in there. The door locked behind us. We had left the keys inside. We couldn’t get back in. All we could do was look through the paned glass door at the crazy drag mess to which Boots and Sue were going to arrive home. My aunt called her and gave the scoop on what had happened, yadda, yadda, yadda, and upon their next visit to our house, she brought a double Walmart bagged, neatly folded collection of my things that I had left all over their house. There was no judgement. There was no anger. She knew what was going on. She understood my life. She saw me for me, and she knew I was being authentic. It was her choice to accept me.

The end of our journey together was something that I could have never dreamed. The cancer was winning. She was home on hospice, and her closest family were asked to be around. I remember asking my employer to leave because I needed to be there. One day turned into two, three, and on the fourth day, I needed to get away. She was still so lovely even in that state. She rested a lot during that time, but she was still listening. I say that, because one night as we were gathered around her in the living room, simply reminiscing, and I said something. I can’t quite recall the exact words, but everyone sort of mocked me, but she opened her eyes for a brief moment and said, “But he was grammatically correct.” Everyone just looked around like, WTF? and I knew we still had our bond. She ended up passing away later that week, and I was able to share her very last moment. I’ve never seen someone smile in death, but she passed away with a beautiful grin on her face.

The reason I wrote this blog entry is because I miss her. I miss everything she was. I miss the fact that I had a real life human connection, and I can’t see her anymore. I have moments where I forget how much influence she had on my life, however, today, she came back to me. I was having a crap morning, and I was basically dwelling in self pity. I couldn’t find a reason to get me out of the funk. My aunt, the same one from the drag night, was texting me and she mentioned MawMaw Sue. (I’m tearing up just thinking about it.) She referenced how many times she had to have dark conversations about life and circumstances of life and how Sue would listen and try to make heads or tails of it. She was so understanding, so purposeful, and so uplifting. She always knew there was more to it, the present was just a step in that direction.

I have to remember to rely on her positive influence. Sue was in my life for a reason. She left a mark on my life because, somehow, she knew I’d need it later. I need it, now. As you read this, you can use the mantra, ‘What Would MawMaw Sue Do?’ She will guide you.

Feel the Vibration, Part 2.

On January 1, 2018, I posted a blog surrounding the opportunity for a cultural vibe in Lake Charles, Louisiana. If you weren’t able to read it, here’s the link:

Feel the Vibration.

(Please accept this new blog post as a follow up, with exciting updates for the future of Lake Charles.)

In that blog entry, I discussed the potential for Lake Charles to organize and create a culture, second to none. At that time, Lake Charles was beginning to see new types of people coming into the city. These new people brought their passions and their need for positive vibes. This influx did something quite extraordinary. It woke up the local artists, musicians, influencers, and creators, and established a call to action to form the vibe.

Before, Lake Charles had become a humble city. The local festivals were still popular, and there were a few restaurants and venues that were able to maintain, but there was a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ that seemed to be missing. Simply put, there weren’t enough people. For a while, residents were having to leave Lake Charles to seek better opportunities and experience the thrills of life. As much as I hate to admit it, Lake Charles was becoming almost…boring.

As industries began building new facilities and bringing jobs to the area, the people started coming back. Opportunities are everywhere now! All of these people MUST be taken care of, so we are seeing growth like never before. Lake Charles is trying to keep up, and to say the least, the city is THRIVING!

So many different types of people are joining the city, and bringing their cultural values and influences. Lake Charles is positioned in a perfect spot of hospitality and southern class. We want the influences here because we are all very well aware of how 'almost…boring’ we were before.

Sure, the roads are overflowing, you may not be able to find that grocery item without traveling to three different stores, and you may have to wait in line, but these are all signs of growth and economic change. Lake Charles is becoming that metropolis for which our parents had hoped. I remember hearing the stories of when the rock roads were paved and when the mall was built and how the 210 loop influenced the landscape. These were all done for the promise of a greater Lake Charles. That time is now!

The Lake Charles vibe is organizing so well! The local Arts and Humanities Council works diligently to maintain and create new and exciting opportunities for culture to continue to grow. With more events than ever before, there is something to do for families, nightlife, and everywhere in between. There are antique stores and flea markets, again. Specialty shops are surviving. Smaller, speakeasy bars are inviting late night friends to gather. Bands are coming into town, willfully. Restaurants are being invited into the area. Yoga, dance classes, and other enriching opportunities are happening. There are even Guided Meditation classes to help return to your core zen. Welcome to the new and improved Lake Charles, and surrounding areas.

Flock of Five Gift and Art Emporium in Sulphur has 7000 sq ft of one of a kind, specialty items and lots and lots of things to see!

Recent Relics Antiques and Collectibles is a groovy shopping experience over on Broad Street. It’s worth a walk through if you’re a collector or working on a personal museum

The potential was always there. Lake Charles is positioned on a strategic port and sits atop a wealth of natural resources. It’s great to see the area developing such an upbeat positive cultural experience. The future is unpredictable, but as long as we all participate, we can ensure that Lake Charles will remain on this thriving track. Go find an event, you might be surprised what you’ll see and who you’ll see there!

A few of my personal recommendations include:

Panorama Music House: Live Jazz on Tuesday Nights, go listen to the smooth tunes of the Jay Ecker Quartet.

Crying Eagle: Any night of the week you can try out some locally brewed favorites straight from the tap. Say hi to Brewer Bill!

Bayou Rum: Tours and you probably could catch a taste testing! Go find Distiller Jeff!

Rikenjaks Brewing Company: There’s literally something every night of the week, so just go!

Yellowfin Distillery: Did you know it’s locally distilled in Sulphur? Hello!

Zephyr’s: The mixologist with the mustache…sometimes he’ll stare right into your soul, but he makes great dranks. I like it though because it reminds me that I have a soul.

Crystal’s Downtown: Rainbows, cocktails, and some of the best dance music in town. It’s been around for over 30 years, and it’s still going strong as one of Southwest Louisiana’s best little gay bars.

Whatever your flavor, Texas Blues, Zydeco, Rock, or some fun karaoke, there’s literally a cultural experience awaiting you!

Strategic Manifestation

It’s time for an update on this enlightenment, personal journey to find happiness.

Let’s dive right in, shall we?!

I have been off work since I quit my job on July 19. I always preach about not having expectations out of life. Expectations lead us to unnecessary disappointments, so why did I think this situation was an exception? Nothing terrible happened, and I still have my sanity, however, leaving a job that I was committed to for 11 years definitely takes a toll. It’s similar to a breakup. The events that followed that moment perpetuated such a drastic shift in my life that it nearly knocked me off balance and caused a ripple effect that is just now becoming easier to handle.

I’m being dramatic, to an extent, but it was rough, man. Let me just say that as long as it takes to build conditioning, it takes equally as long to break it.

I left my job because I wasn’t happy with the industry. I wasn’t unhappy with the company or the people, it was just the job. It wasn’t rewarding anymore, and it made me feel like my potential wasn’t allowed to shine. I could use 1/10 of my person at work, but the other 9/10 were sort of put away. That’s what ruined it.

So, I nipped it in the bud. No hard feelings, but it was just time to try to mix things up.

There was a slight lapse in judgment. I temporarily accepted an offer to work for a different company in the same industry. I wanted to give it a chance, but unfortunately, it gave me the same feelings. I quit because I’m at a point in my life where if something doesn’t offer some form of satisfaction, it doesn’t get to stick around. Again, no hard feelings, but going forward, my life is on my terms.

Living as a free agent is pretty nice. I’ve painted, had to replace a septic system air pump(under the direction of my wonderful father), was given the chance to strengthen the relationships in my life, and allowed myself to just breath for a while. I was soooo busy before, and now I have the time to just chill. It’s amazing!

---

I do have a very important message. With all that, this type of situation that I’m going through has made me question just about everything I know, have ever known, and how to handle the future. There have been dark moments where I wondered WTF was I even doing?! How was I ever going to figure this out?! Life doesn’t come with a user manual, and especially for this type of leap of faith that I embarked upon. It’s crazy! I went against the grain of what humans typically do, and I struggled a bit with it. It’s not easy to just walk away. The momentum I had built couldn’t be stopped immediately. I was literally going through a work detox. It wasn’t negative, it was just a complete change from what my brain, body, and soul were used to doing.

The reason for this blog post is that I had a truly profound moment of realization, tonight. Life doesn't outrightly show you all the things you need, but tonight, I got a pretty awesome validation:

I have been complaining and feeling depressed about something that I MANIFESTED.

I kept trying to figure out WHY this was so hard and why this was all happening, and it’s because I literally asked for my life to change.

I came up with this really cool idea to save up some money, quit my job, and figure out the rest.

I made all of this happen.

I strategically placed an APB out to the universe that I was ready to change, and the universe said 10-4. Leaving my job was the inception, and everything since that date has been part of the change I requested. There have been days and nights, recently, where I’ve wondered where I was going to go from this point, and now I know that it’s all right. It is all correct. I put this into motion. It’s okay to not know what’s going to happen, and I can’t second guess any piece of it because IT’S RIGHT. It’s everything I asked for. I told my life, and everything around it, that I wanted to make a change, and here it is! The change that I requested is happening.

I’ve never felt so much in control, empowered, confident, or willing to accept my future as I do now. I honestly and truly hope that everyone feels this type of magic about your lives. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing what is to come!

So, still jobless, but I know an amazing opportunity awaits. I am open to possibilities, so if anyone knows my experience and knows of any healthy jobs, please feel free to message me.

Luckily, I have amazing friends and family, and a brilliant meditation guide.

Oh, speaking of meditation, tonight, as we laid our mats out…there was a weird label that showed up on my friend’s mat. See picture below, but I don’t know what it means, or why anyone would make a clear label with this on it. (shrugs shoulders)

So, I stuck the label on my new phallic Smokey Quartz.

Time to get up.

Salutations!

Have you ever gone through a period, maybe you were sick or having a staycation, and you sort of reached the point of feeling like a giant blob of flesh and you move only for the most absolutely necessary reasons? I’m fairly certain I’ve reached that point.

There are a few signs that I need to get up. 1. I have a giant bed sore that doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I’ll add a pic below. (That’s totally a joke, I’m not that bad off.). 2. My brain is going through some major misfires, as of late.😂

Instead of the constant work related conundrums, my brain is going through a mild overload of ideas…I’m sure other artists can relate. It’s sort of that place that we call a “block”. Writers block, lack of inspiration, or ¿workers block?, as it may be, is surely happening. I want to make the most amazing move for my next career, I’m just having a bit of a moment organizing all the thoughts and options.

By the wayyy, I probably should have mentioned this sooner, but I’m a major over-thinker. That being said, I’ve always had really good coordination skills, to the point where I would plan family vacations as a child because I knew what was best. Even to my entire life, I’ve coordinated it quite well…so, I’m always trying to be a step ahead.

For this time, there’s no way to be a step ahead. I’m just living in the present. In the moment. This is the beginning of the next chapter of my life, and I’m so excited to see what kind of future it can bring!

Everyone goes through slumps, sometimes. I know this is just the next step. I believe I had let the evil negativity monster slide in to my positive focus. Out with the negativity! It’s time to get my derrière up and finish what I started. But, I am still gonna take it slow. I scheduled time off, and I plan on enjoying it. :)

Still love this wall in my bedroom.

First Monday Without Work

Monday, July 22, 2019

Today was awesome!  

I removed expectations from my life, so when I woke up this morning, I had no idea how things were going to go.  I knew there was a job interview on the schedule for noon, so I just lollygagged until I needed to get up and get ready for that.  The interview went well, and I basically knocked it out of the park.  I'll wait and see what they want to do. 

That's enough shop talk.  I got home, and had an amazing afternoon nap!  I'm finding the best part of not having a job is definitely napping!!!

I was speaking to one of my good Judys, and she invited me to a guided meditation, so I knew I had a good way to spend my evening.  She reheated some delicious taco soup, and we gathered to have a lovely four person dinner celebration of life.  Honestly, I have a network of some of the most amazing people in my life right now.  They are helping to create a truly magical human experience for me.  

After dinner, we headed over to the venue for the guided meditation.  If you aren't familiar, a guided meditation is a gathering of people, with a leader, the guide, that helps you to find your inner Zen.  This is just a way to open your mind to dig a little deeper beneath the surface of your thinking potential.  And there are crystals!!! (I love a crystal, mostly because they are of the earth, and they ground me.)

This meditation was very simple, however, very powerful.  Follow me here, because I'm going to break down a few things for you.  During a meditation session, you close your eyes, and basically forget that there's a human body attached to your brain.  Your brain is your powerhouse.  It controls all functions of your life, and well, your body is just your vessel that carries your brain around.  If you haven't realized that yet, then please take the time to just get that fact straight.  Your brain runs the show.  

At this point in my life, I'm at a juncture.  I'm not exactly sure what comes next, but I know it will be great.  This meditation helped me to see more of my potential.  I followed the guide, and I was able to experience a few things that I've never felt before.  This isn't my first guided meditation, but each one offers a unique experience.  I left feeling lighter.  I left feeling like I knew a little more about myself.  I left knowing that I was going in the right direction, and that my past would no longer dictate or influence my future. 

After meditation, my gaggle of sweet friends decided it would be fun to go watch the sunset over the lake.  It was so beautiful.  (When I was younger, I would always go hang out by the lake front, walking and talking to my sweet friends, or a beau, here and there.)  We had some of the most fascinating conversations, and we even played a game of, "Are they on a date?"  When you surround yourself with like-minded people, you understand yourself better.  You are able to see further than just your own perspective.  I always feel so blessed to have these people in my life, my friends, my chosen tribe.  

Then, I came home and had Butterfinger ice cream.  The end! 

Here's a picture from the lakefront! 

Free Agent.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

This is my first morning waking up without a job, AND it feels amazing!!!

Yesterday, my last day at work, was a wild and crazy ride.  I woke up, got pretty, then headed to work.  One of my old supervisors texted me a song from YouTube:  Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra.  (I’ll include the link below.)  Man!  That song is such a message of positivity and it absolutely gave me some interstellar validation!  Of course I had that overwhelming deep breathe crying moment where you lose your shit, and then you laugh because it’s just life.

I got to work, and manifested the day I wanted.  A day filled with support and lots of love from the great people I had worked with over the past 11 years.  I had to do a small bit of work, but all in all, the people made it a special day.  I didn’t leave the job because I hated the people, quite the contrary...I love the people, I just couldn’t deal with the career anymore.  For the most part, the people are the reason I stayed longer than I should have.

There was that final moment when I sat in front of my boss and handed over the work phone, login token, and access card, then I knew it was done.  I had finished that leg of the journey.

So, I came home, reflected, took a nap, and then had a quiet, calm steak dinner with a friend.  Our server was very inspirational, a younger person, spry to life!  She shared her life plan and her dreams.  I couldn’t help but encourage her to never let anything get in the way of her dreams.  We shared, “I’m proud of yous” because I told her about my life change. It was magical, and the margarita helped. 😎

Lastly, I ate cake in bed, because that’s what I wanted to do with my life.  It’s all up to me now!

I have a special message that I wanted to include in this blog:  humans are no exception in the animal kingdom.  Just because we have the ability to think and work excessively hard doesn’t mean we actually need to or should.  The sad reality is that we have been convinced, somewhere along the line, that it’s perfectly acceptable for humans to work 8-12 hour shifts, for the purpose of survival.  Take a hard look at all the other animals of the earth...can any other animals work that hard constantly, day after day?  Have you ever looked at a human that works 40 hours a week?  They look completely exhausted...burned out.  At what point is that not actually okay anymore?  Is a constant state of exhaustion what humans are supposed to be now??  Just a bunch of tired people with body aches, stress overload, anxieties, and high blood pressure, just to survive?  I know this has been happening for generations, but is the working human experience killing us faster than natural progression?

I don’t have an answer, but I’ve been there.  And I’ve seen others there.  I think there’s a problem, and I don’t know how to actually identify it, but it definitely looks like a problem.

I’m going to go enjoy my human experience for a while, I’ll be back later.

What are you going to do?

Thursday, July 11, 2019

That’s one of the most popular questions in my life right now.  “What are you going to do?”, “What’s your plan?”, “Are you scared?”

Ya know, someone actually asked me this week: “Are you scared?”  I know my head cocked sideways, and I said, “scared of what?” I think it was supposed to be a joke, and I get that, but why in the hell would I be scared?

I’ve been scared before.  I’ve had major fears, but at this point in my life, I’m not afraid of anything.  I see nothing but the beautiful potential of authenticity, a life without regrets, and the ability to smile just for the sheer sake of smiling.   So, no, I’m not scared.

I’ve always heard the saying, “if you have people talking, you must be doing something right.”  Honey, people are talking.  I’ve worked in the same office for 11 years, and there are some colleagues that I can count on one hand the personal conversations we’ve shared.  Since my commitment to change, everyone wants to get in on the Tyler action.

Unfortunately, it’s too late.  I would love to have opened up my beautiful life to everyone, but they didn’t take the time.  When you snooze, you lose.  I’m not intentionally withholding my life from people, but if you had gotten to know me, you would have already known about this life journey.  I can’t tell you about my plans for my happy life in just 2-3 weeks.  You had to have been there with me.  You can only share in the wonderful experiences to come.  For someone to expect a simple answer from me, at this point, to the question, “what are you going to do?”  It’s just not possible.  It’s far too complex.  You should have been paying attention over the years.

I’ve never kept my life a secret.  I am very open with all struggles I’ve been through.  I’ve always hoped that my story, the lessons I’ve learned, and the experiences I’ve been through, could shape someone else’s life and offer a positive influence.  You have to pay attention, though.  There are situations that you could be avoided if you had watched me “learn the hard way!”  I’m the king of the hard way, but I get it from my daddy.  He’s a great man, in case anyone was curious!

The truth is, I’m open with my life, because I want to share it!  We are all just spiritual beings having a human experience, so why not do it together?!  I can’t toss my brain out at people so they can see what’s truly going on up in there, so you must pay attention and be open to the dialogue for communication and comprehension.  I have yet to meet a stranger, and the only time I don’t talk to someone is because they have declined the invitation.

Don’t decline my invitation.

I’m looking forward to the next steps in this process!  So thankful for those who have been here with me, and followed all my quirky videos, inspirational moments, sad times, down and almost outs, and everything in between!

The next steps of life will have a lot less restrictions.  That’s some unexpected advice, ‘don’t put unnecessary restrictions on your life.’  Live life the you that you were meant to be.  Live your best self, your best life.

And here’s a happy photo, because everyone likes happy photos:

Phase Two: The Soul Search Continues...

Let me begin by complaining about gravitational annoyances.  I’m laying in bed with two pillows behind me, typing this blog post, and I forgot my Buc-cee’s gummy worms at the end of my bed.  As I reach for them, the two pillows fall, resulting in the annoyance of having to completely shift my entire comfortable spot and shimmy back into that perfect spot.  I know this is the result of my own malfeasance for forgetting the gummy worms, but why life gotta be rude like that?  I digress because the gummy worms are giving me all the life necessary to get through this blog entry.

Regarding Life:  SURPRISE:  the soul searching, life journey making, leap of faith into the next chapter of life doesn’t come with a handbook.  I’m being challenged, guys.  Luckily for me, I do enjoy a good challenge, but this one is a bit different.

Have you ever tried to work out to get abs, and it just seems like you never get there.  Working out every day, trying so hard to see the definition, beating yourself up for having that half a donut and handful of M&Ms because you just know that’s what’s holding you back from that 3x2 row of flawless abdominal muscles?! And then BAM, one day, you wake up, grab your glasses, switch on the light and stumble over the the mirror and you see what appears to be the payoff of all that hard work!  I suppose that’s exactly what this journey is going to be like for me.

I’m two weeks down on exiting my current job, and two weeks to go.  July 19, 2019 will be a crucial day for me. It’s the end/beginning date.

I’m not sure if most people can relate, but my entire life, I did this thing where I put everyone else’s needs before my own.  Actually, I was conditioned to do this.  I would have never intentionally wanted to live this way.  In doing that, I indirectly lost the ability to read my own needs.  This next leg of the journey will help me focus on my own needs, and what I want out of my life.  I’ve stated this before, and I’ll probably say it over and over again, this is my one chance at life.  I only have one shot to live it to the best of my abilities.  For 33 years, though some unhealthy mechanism, I have allowed others to influence how I should live it, what I should be doing, and what was best for me.   That’s some powerful conditioning, and I’m glad I recognized to stop it.  If you read this, and you feel like you’re in the same situation...stop it.

Those people that have put you in this predicament are still able to do whatever they want to do with their lives, so stop allowing them to control yours.  It’s a sick jealously that they may not even realize they are doing, but it’s detrimental to your life.  Your only life.  And ultimately, you will be the one feeling the negative side effects of that type of control.  Kick those people out of your life.  Break the sick cycle.

That was heavy.

To wrap it up, it’s time to get back to my core.  The next two weeks will be critical at work, training the person that will take over the reigns of my old legacy.  Luckily, as I transfer the knowledge, it will be almost a cleanse.  Opening up new space in my mind and soul for the next leg of the journey.

I’ve heard from several people already about how they’ve been inspired by my leap of faith, and all I can say is this is what’s healthy for me.  Not everyone can do what I’m doing. Perspective:  I’m single, no children, no pets, and virtually no responsibilities to life except myself and a very select group of family and friends.  Of course it’s the perfect storm to really shake things up, but I hope I can inspire someone/anyone to just make one small change to make living better.  Everyone deserves a happy, fulfilled life.  Make the changes before it’s too late.  “Be the change you want to see.”  (I didn’t say that and I don’t know who did, but it’s empowering.)

And I got an epic sunburn this weekend, so chew on that!

I figured I'd keep it PG.

Headshots and The Nutcracker

Tuesday, June 25, 2019.

I woke up extremely early this morning, compared to my normal “routine.”  5:45AM

I was scheduled to attend the Annual Meeting and Awards Breakfast for a wonderful local organization, Family and Youth  Counseling Agency.  The food was tasty, and I had the honor of seeing two outstanding local humanitarians receive awards for all the positive energy they put into the community.  It was quite uplifting, and I was glad I agreed to the opportunity.  Our quaint little city is growing at astronomical rates, and it’s great to see people investing positivity for the future.

Then, I got back to work and had to deal with a rainy day.  Rainy days tend to cause people to act in two way: a) calm and serene, or b) irrational and irritated.  I digress, the 8 hours flew by and I made it home to my humble abode.

I’m watching the Nutcracker on Netflix because I’ve enjoyed a healthy fascination with this story my entire life.  When I was a child, no more than 7-8, I went on a field trip to see the ballet, live at the Rosa Hart Theatre. At the age of 7-8, I recall watching the ballet performance, and thinking about how beautiful it was.  I couldn’t understand the dancing.  It was like nothing I had ever seen.  Dancing in point shoes, being so fantastical! And then...the men in tights came out.  And then and there, I knew I was a homosexual.  😂

Finally, I have a profile on a casting website, however, I have no photos on the profile.  While I was so busy creating the life I thought was correct, I neglected to even begin the life I’ve always wanted.  I’ve never made time to have proper headshots taken.  So, now I need headshots.  I bet I have at least one photographically inclined person reading this.  I’m ready for my closeup Mr. Demille.  Just shoot me.

TT

Teal Flames and Fancy Ramen

Sunday, June 23, 2019.

Woke up, about a quarter to 10.  Had a slight hangover from last night.  Went to dinner last night with a friend and had some cocktails before we watched the latest two episodes of Pose.

Pose, if you aren’t familiar, is a series up on FX.  Good ole Ryan Murphy is definitely not disappointing with this series centered around the legendary gay/hiv/aids/ballroom/paris is burning/gender bending/80s and 90s sandalous happenings.

Watch it.  I don’t care if you care or not, you need to know the history.   The fight.  But, I digress.

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch breakfast enabled me to get up and get some yard work completed, to help sweat out the alcohol.

After a good shower and quick change, I met up with my good judy for lunch at our favorite happening spot, Panera.  Sometimes surprises happen, and they must have known I was hangry, because I got not just one, but two chicken salad croissants for the price of one.  That’s a win in my book.

After some window shopping, spending nary a dime, I headed home to organize and clean my room.  As an adult, I figured I’d magically keep my room clean, but I still “leave shit dragging.” I’m a pretty intense multitasker, so I was working laundry, managing an Enron style burn pile, while still organizing the room madness.  I was balancing everything so well, when low and behold, disaster struck.

A paper towel was left in the laundry that went into the washer.  Shreds of paper were from washer to dryer and everywhere in betwixt.  Even that can’t breakuh my stride these days, though.

The fire.  Check my Instagram @tylertheriot to see the video of the fire.  My awesome sister gave me these burn packets as a Christmas gift.  You throw this packet of powder into the fire and it creates a teal hue to the flames.  It’s quite extraordinary, even if it is a cheap parlor trick.

To end the day, I’m laying in a spectacularly hot bath with a bowl of fancy ramen.  You see, I always keep frozen mixed veggies on hand for creating fancy ramen.  It helps me to believe that the ramen isn’t quite so unhealthy if I see vegetables floating around in the bowl.  😎

Small life situation that doesn’t get brought up enough:  before I turned on the spicket for the bathtub, I gave it a good cleaning.  Why is it that virtually 9 times out of 10, I have the entire tub spotless, completely rinsed and ready for use, and a single hair appears out of nowhere?!  I literally had just rinsed that entire area, and this strand shows up late for the party.  I don’t get it.  Do others experience this?  My OCD cleaning habits make this an incredibly annoying experience.  😂

(I watched Seinfeld growing up, so everything is a story.)  

Just some life.

Doing the Damn Thing.

So, let’s talk about life.

Life is about living, don’t you know?  Yesterday, I committed to a necessary change in my life.

For the last 11 years, I dedicated 40 hours, 5 days a week to a specific role with a company as part of corporate America. I started at the lowest level, achieved a few promotions and ended up quite comfortable in middle management.  I had opportunities to travel, work on special projects, become a successful manager, and gained a tremendous wealth of knowledge and experience throughout the process.  I grew so much as a human.  My brain was transformed into a strong machine that found solutions for any problem.  I was entrusted to make decisions for the benefit of over 30,000 account holders.  I trained people, I created best practices, I wrote policies and procedures, and my criticisms and influences were used to enhance lacking systems.  I carried responsibilities I never knew I could possibly handle.  I built an entire call center, one that is so successful that it almost seems surreal.  So many accomplishments, so much credit given, so many people depending on me.  After all that, I thought I’d feel complete.  I thought I’d feel like I was living my best life.   Like I was killing it.  Like I had the life that I’d be jealous of.

The truth is, I was working so hard to make everything else work, and pleasing everyone around me, that I forgot about myself.  I literally forgot to make myself happy.  I would try to find time for myself around the career, but there was always something more to be done.  Ultimately, I put myself on the back burner.  My happiness was almost forgotten.

¡¡¡UNTIL RIGHT NOW!!!

Ever hear of a leap of faith?  Ever actually taken one?  I did it, yesterday!  I sat down with my boss and explained my current situation.  It was almost time for me to commit to more projects, and I chose not to.  I chose to give a month’s notice.  After July 19th, I will no longer have the responsibility that kept me from enjoying my life to the fullest.  I am breaking my commitment to my middle management job, and I’m placing my entire bet on my future.

I only have this one life.  I can’t stay in a box that I was never meant to be in.  I don’t fit in that box.  I tried, for many, many years, but no self convincing ever changed the fact that it just didn’t work.  I will be forever grateful for any and all opportunities that came along with my career, but it’s time to shake things up.

I don’t really have a plan.  I just knew that if I didn’t commit to the change, more years would pass.  I’d miss out on more potential life options, and I’d still be selling myself short.

There’s something everyone should know about me.  I’m amazing.

I don’t mean that in a braggity way, because anyone who knows me, knows that I’m dancing to the beat of a different drum.  Hell, probably even an entirely different type of drum that hasn’t even been created yet.  I always say I’m a human anomaly.  Not everyone understands me, and that’s okay, but the ones that do...they recognize it, it makes them smile, and they get all giddy!  (That’s happened, on multiple occasions!) 

I believe in being authentic.  I was really good at my job, but I always have to be true to me, so when I’d have to put on that work role, it always felt like it wasn’t right.  Like those jeans that make your ass sag, but sometimes they’re comfortable, but you never really want to wear them out in public because they misshape you and people could get the wrong impression of you having a saggy ass, when in reality, you have a really great ass!

I HAVE A REALLY GREAT ASS!

I was blessed with a spirit that truly produces positive change.  I stay on the bright side.  I flip the script on just about any bad situation.  I try my hardest to maintain a positive point of view, and I’ll never stop trying to get people on board.  Positivity promotes prosperity.

Recently, I’ve been told several times that I’m irreplaceable.  I want to stress how important that word is. Every single person that stands outside of the box is rare.  We are all irreplaceable because we carry a strength and energy that many people wish they could possess.  People have said they wish they could do the same thing I’m doing.  I’ve heard, “I’m too old, I’m too comfortable, I have 5 weeks of vacation, or I just don’t have the option to do that.”  Those are all excuses that seem legitimate, however, anyone can do anything at any age.  It may be difficult and it may make you feel like you should double up on your Depends®️, but you certainly can do anything.

We only have one shot at this life!  I can’t stress that enough!  My time is way too valuable to be wasting it at something that doesn’t fulfill my destiny.  So, going forward, I will be transforming into the Tyler that’s always been pushed to the back burner.  I have skills that I never got to use in my old career.  I’m ready to become the amazing human that I was destined to be.  I’m ready to inspire everyone I touch, figuratively and literally. I’m scared shitless, because I can’t predict anything that will happen from this moment forward.  The reality is, I couldn’t predict it anyway, so why not put my truest self out there and see what happens.

I was living a half truth.  I don’t regret any piece of it, however, I wish I would have made the decision sooner. Life happens...but now I get to truly live it, live it well, and on my terms.  It’s my happiness that matters most.

All I can say is look out .  There is a huge part of my amazingness that was being held back.  Now, I plan on tapping into that and showing off that great human.  I’m an artist, on canvas, on paper, in nature, and in life.  I paint with all the colors of the wind, and I believe in having fun with life.  Expression is my gig! 

Here we go.♥️

TT

Acorns into Mighty Oaks.

Hi! 

I took some time off from the blog, not that anyone even noticed, but I wasn’t feeling inspired to share my ideas with the world, so I just stepped away for a while.  Nothing bad was happening, however, I just felt like I was getting boring, so I explored the earth and universe a little, and now I’m back in action.  

Just because I wasn’t sharing my ideas, however, doesn’t mean I wasn’t having them.  Actually, the reality is that I was going through a vortex of new, exciting, anxiety creating situations that ultimately returned me right back where I started:  right here, in this exact spot.  I relapsed into having expectations for life, so you know how this works.  I set a ball into motion, with the greatest of expectioans.  Life is predictable, blah blah blah, and I always hope for the best in people, blah blah blah.  The result has been the same my entire life...a sad disappointed moment where life shocks me back to the reality that I can only anticipate myself, my thoughts, my words, and my actions.  

Simply put, I just want everyone to be living their best lives, being their truest, most authentic selves, and really working to be GREAT!  That’s the expectation to which I hold myself, others around me, not so much. 

So, a few things happened that added to my stent of mild hibernation.  Luckily, I hold steady to the theory that only I can satisfy my own yearnings and/cravings out of life.  I sought out my theoretical drawing board, made a few recommendations to myself, and began switching gears.  The journey of life is sooo complicated, but I try to keep it as simple as possible, which is incredibly difficult because the folks around me are living such complex lives.  That is fine, but for my own personal well-being, I need simplicity.  (That’s such a contradiction, because if you’ve ever seen my home/garden, is a mishmash of things, but that’s just because I like nice things and everything has its place.) 

I tried to formulate ways to get back to that simple state of being.  I’m sure I’m not the only one that starts out with a clear intention of being simplistic, but then life says, “nah, I don’t really do simple, so here’s a healthy serving of complex, and you’ll figure it out, because I made you resilient, and this can’t necessarily kill you. K?”

I focused on my core personal values: 

1.  Be authentic. 

2.  Live as well as I can. 

3.  Listen to others and pull guidance through the lessons they’ve already learned.  

4.  Be present.  

5.  Focus on growth, not on aging.  

6.  Practice what I preach.  

Unintentionally, I had created another cluster of unsatisfying things in my life, so it was time to clean up the clutter and get back to the aforementioned values.  That’s the person I want to be, so I don’t understand why I sometimes regress back into that old groove and those old habits, but luckily, life is forgiving.  

After a few trips, focusing on soul searching, my birthday, a few hot dates, and some really good conversation with the great people in my life, I regrouped and started on the next leg of my journey.  

I don’t do vulnerability very well, which is why it’s not up in the list of core values, but I want to take a moment to be vulnerable:   My birthday is difficult for me, not because of aging, because I still feel 17.5 or something, but because it’s an anniversary date, also.  My life was dramatically changed on my 30th birthday, and I still work to find peace in that anniversary date.  No one needs to know the details, unless you’re hard up for knowing other people’s business, which makes you a sideways gossip, but there’s always an anxiety ridden buildup that comes with my birthday.  I’m a work in progress, so I know one day, I’ll be able to be fine with it, but 3 years later, it’s still a difficult day for me.  End scene.  

I’ve been exploring a lot, lately.  I’m not trying to find the answers to life, I’m just making sure that I use my time on this earth wisely.  For a long time, I focused so much energy on making sure I was doing the things I needed to do to get me to the grand finale.  I realized that while working on all of those things, I missed out on a few awesome opportunities.  I can’t get those chances back, and that makes me somewhat sad, however, it inspires me to be available when potential opportunities arise.  

You can’t get back life missed.  Don’t ever forget that.  It’s one of the most important things to keep at the forefront of your focus.  I’ve stopped making excuses that forced me to miss out on life experiences.  I would avoid situations because, I always had this idea that I knew exactly how things were going to go or how they would work out or not work out.  That is complete bullshittery, and nonsense.  Even Miss Cleo couldn’t predict the future, so why was I ever bold enough to think that I could?!  I am confident in one thing, if I’m there, I’ll have an experience.  If I’m not there, I missed out.  Who wants to intentionally miss out?!!!

Changes:

4 years ago, I was in a beautiful mixture of stress from work life, personal life, family life, and some other nonsense that has been shifted out of my life.  At that time, I needed help.  I sought counseling and my doctor prescribed a medium dosage of an anxiety medication to help me survive that stressful time.  I knew it was temporary, but I couldn’t predict how long I would need to be on the prescription.  Recently, I made the decision, with my doctors assistance, to get off the medicine.  I wasn’t sure if I could live well without it.  I’m sure there are people that can relate.  And if you can relate, please share your story, because it’s extremely important for people to understand.  A lot of people have a misconception that taking anxiety medicines or antidepressants means you’re crazy, that’s just not true.  There is a definite stigma attached to those prescriptions, heck, I even had to convince myself that it was acceptable.  I needed help living life, period, because I wasn’t strong enough at that time in my life to do it alone.  Literally, on a daily basis, I hear stories of people not being confident to be their truest authentic selves.  That’s a problem.  There should be no solid reason as to why someone would deny himself or herself the best life possible, especially for a reason as correctable as anxiety.  For me, anxiety was an excuse.  I was carrying too heavy of a load in my life, that was the real problem.  I thought it was possible to be 4 different people at one time.  Just so you know, it’s not.  I had to take several steps back from intense relationships I had built because I was sooooo thinly sliced in my life that I didn’t have my own identity anymore.  It was extremely difficult and not everyone understood, but I had to make those decisions to be my own healthy human.  

Eventually, I owned my life, again.  There were still stressful times, but I was able to cope and find solutions to deal with those problems in my life.  I found my strength.  It was inside all along, but society had made me feel like I wasn’t secure enough in myself to be me.  I’m me.  And now, I’m me, without assistance.  I’m Tyler, the communicator, the artist, the chef, the traveler, the blogger, the family man, the friend I’ve always wanted to be, and I hope to keep adding to the list.  I didn’t know it could be like this, and now I live a confident life.  I will always have nervous habits and I can’t promise I’ll be without anxiety for the rest of my life, but I understand myself a lot better now.  I can’t wait to see what the future holds.  You know you’ll see and hear about it!  

Life has gotten a lot better, and I’m having a lot more fun with it because I released those anxiety excuses.  I feel empowered and alive.  If you struggle with anxiety or depression, think deep within yourself, I found the strength.  It may be possible for you, also.   #livingmybestlife

TT

"Make Me Feel Good"

Gotcha, I bet some of you were thinking this post would be about that quote from Monster’s Ball when Halle Berry was all begging for the..., well, you know the movie.?! 

but

In reality, this post is about those rare, but precious moments when something happens in life that makes you feel truly special or good inside.  I had ones of those tonight.  I went to go grab Chinese food from the drive thru Chinese joint, and I threw in a wonton soup. When I got home, I let it cool, while I added another coat of paint to my bathroom accent wall.  After, I grabbed the soup and started scrolling through social media, because that’s what humans do in 2019...

As I’m chowing down, I realized that I had eaten two wontons, and there was another one remaining.  Here’s the backstory, wonton soup from this restaurant only comes with two wontons.  There has never been in the history of this restaurant when my order has had three wontons, over a span of about 15 years.  

So, you can imagine to my surprise that there was a THIRD wonton!  🥟🥟🥟

I instantly felt a smile come over my face, and I just thought about how my life has been in a bit of a stressful place, but there are still people thrown my way, unexpectedly, who offer a kind gesture.  Unknowingly, that drive thru Chinese food restaurant employee cheered me up over here!!  

Then, of course, I couldn’t help but think, did she think I was hot or something?  I mean, all she knows about me is that I bought a shit-ton of Chinese food, and I smiled a little.  If she only knew that I’m sorta going through a new transition in life and there are moments lately where I haven’t felt so very cheery and upbeat about the whole flow of my life.  But, that’s okay...because life ebbs and flows.  It’s all good in the hood.  😎

My favorite things in life.

Some of you may think I’ve jumped on the holy bus, or that it’s all for show, but I’m here to elaborate for anyone that needs some extra clarification or looking for a good blog post to giggle and vicariously enjoy life through mine.  :)  Either way, I appreciate you. (Imagine I said that in my “Delilah” voice.) 

There is something to be said about reaching the age of 30 and everything, every single thing, changes.  My 30th birthday was an exit onto a highway that ends at a place that is filled with abounding GOOD, so much so that I have trouble believing it.  Long gone are the days of wasting time.  

I wasted so...much...time, but not anymore. 

So, here are a few things that, ultimately, happen without me having to ask, and add so much extra happiness to my life: 

• impressing your parents 

• reusing a sonic cup, even though all the Sonic ice is gone, and the experience is a little different 

• successfully picking that notorious “black speck” out of your bath water, without having to drain the tub 

• cool ranch Doritos 

• water(literally everything we eat is comprised of about 94% water.  Without water, we’d eat a pile of powder) 

• Mariah Carey’s voice in the original, “All I Want forChristmas is You” 

• being able to remember back to when I still believed that Santa was real 

• random lady bugs in my house.  You get to stay random lady bugs, just don’t eat or poop on anything.  

• love .  Most people don’t or won’t talk about their love.  Love is truly amazing, so I think people should be proud to talk about their love.  

• the fact that Cracker Barrel restaurants have an item labeled Chicken Fried Chicken on their menu

• and, finally, seat warmers.  Their main function is to warm your seat, right?  But what they don’t realize is that when my seat is warmed, it takes me to my happy place.  Thanks seat warmers, the same goes to you, bathtub!  

I added a landing and steps down under my new carport.